Tuesday 29 December 2015

Meet the 27-year-old Nigerian Agony Aunt whose advice has made her an Instagram sensation with over 40,000 followers

A young Nigerian woman who was inspired to turn her Instagram page into a platform for questions and advice has taken social media by storm, amassing more than 40,000 followers in just two months.

Ziya’atulhaqq Usman Tahir, 27, lives in Bauchi, Nigeria and works as a caterer for weddings, but recently found her calling as an 'Agony Aunt' after offering advice to a female friend.

''She was having a problem with her boyfriend,''Tahir told BuzzFeed News. ''I explained things to her, but she didn't want to believe me. I asked her if I could post her story on my Instagram and people will advise her. And she said, "OK, why not." And that's how it started.''

That first post received an 'overwhelming' response, and encouraged others to write in with their stories of personal problems.

Two months ago, Tahir created the Instagram @Fatibolady, which would become the platform where she and her followers would try to help women in the majority-Muslim northern part of the country.

She receives texts and messages from anonymous people in need of advice and posts them on the photo-sharing page so that others can put in their two cents.

The topics covered on her social media page are vast - everything from domestic violence to dealing with young ladies' crushes.

Each post receives thousands of likes and comments, which is a revelation given that she lives in a society where publicly airing out your personal problems - be that in love or family matters - is discouraged.

Since it started, Tahir's site has amassed over 40,000 followers who regularly comment on the hundreds of anonymous posts already on the site - chosen from the 20-odd emails Tahir receives every day. The posts come in both English and Hausa - the area's local language.

The queries offer a unique look into the married lives of Muslim women in northern Nigeria.

For one woman, her fiance was concerning her with his overly-familiar way of referring to a family friend - calling her 'baby' and 'love' - but when she approached him about it he said that 'she's just like a sister to him' and that 'it's no big deal'.
''I want to know if it's really nothing or I'm just being over protective or unnecessarily jealous,'' she told Tahir, who posted the problem on the site.

One woman offered: 'As long as you are in a relationship with someone then it is your duty to respect how they feel,relationship is a two way thing,if you are not happy with it then he should respect how you feel and stop irrespective of whatever reason he has.'

However, others felt differently, with one writing: 'It's actually not a bad thing to call your female friends with pet names... if you really trust your man, please let it slide.'

Another post saw a wife claiming that her sister-in-law was upsetting her by commenting on the fact she was approaching 30 and hadn't yet had children, yet when she complained to her husband he would reply that his sister was 'full of jokes and she meant no harm'.

Tahir urged the woman to be patient while some of the followers offered courses of action.

''She's being nasty,'' concluded one Instagram user. ''If your mother in law is a fair woman ask her to talk to her.' '


Tahir, whose Instagram page also declares her love for English football and joloff rice, believes that part of her popularity comes from the tech-loving Nigerian culture, where social media is exceedingly well used.

''Nigerians, we are iPhone fanatics, everybody wants to have an iPhone. Our network is very good,'' she said. ''Nigerians are - how can I put it - we like new things. If something new comes out, we want to use it.''

For more complicated issues, Tahir also enlists the help of lawyers, psychiatrists and journalists to help provide the best advice - and also encourages forwarding cases of concern to proper authorities.

The majority of posts, often addressed to the 'jurors', on the page feature women lamenting issues of fidelity, money or honesty when it comes to their husbands or boyfriends.

The stigma around women sharing their problems has led to a lot of 'bottling up', which Tahir views as a serious problem as it leads to frustration, further problems and even drug abuse.

''I think people should talk about their problems,'' she said. ''Let’s say for instance, this lady whose husband has not been sleeping with her. It has been six months, your husband has not been sleeping with you. In Nigeria, you’re not allowed to say something about it.'\

She added: ''I don’t want anybody to be stigmatized.''



Read more: This Instagram User Is Helping Thousands Of Women Finally Open Up About Their Problems - BuzzFeed News

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